Is noticing in retrospect the same thing as noticing?
Day was filled with emotion, ups and downs, second guessing, running, meetings, confessions, and grocery shopping. With all that, couldn't quite manage being in the moment, but figure noticing after the fact is better than not noticing at all.
Today, I noticed Dianne's dimples. Tamra's new, lovely maturity. Ronda's willingness to listen, constancy, and ALWAYS making me laugh. Crista's generosity and how much I miss her!
Noticed that I don't hate these dogs as much as I did a week ago. (Even as I watch Charlie attempting to hump Penny. Is that right???) Noticed Tommy's sweetness, piercing-ness in everything about him, take no prisoners honesty, and brightness, in mind and spirit. Noticed Paul's fear of me, devotion to the girls (he's taking them to Carlsbad for spring break, despite a broken down truck and no money), and his pain. Pain, also a companion to Tony, in addition to devotion, integrity, twinkling eyes, and kindness.
And so, I notice how lucky I am to be loved. Did all the craziness today really matter, given the gifts that I have in my life? We stumble. We are frail. We may stray from the path (see Day 24). And I notice that I feel OK seeing myself as human, weak, fragile. And willing, to stay open to that notion and not avert my eyes to looking at parts of myself that may not be that appealing.......I'm still willing........
3 comments:
Gigantical idea here! We wrestle with who we are, what we want to be, where we want to go and who and what we want to surround ourselves with. I have always thought it impossible to see myself as others see me. BUT, I was just thinking (and don't laugh if you have already thought of this a long time ago) Can't we look at the people we most love in our lives (the ones that we have chosen to spend time with) and get huge clues as to what WE are all about? Hmmm ...... will ponder and notice ....... update to follow. And AGAIN I must say I love what dear Betsy said "Galadriel, be grateful for your friends." As in all the other bullshit is just that. Sunny, happy, love to all,
Drano
Drano - Wonderful comments. Grist for the mill for today's blob.
I'm baaaaaaack! It was a great vacation: great to be there, had some wonderful experiences, met some great people and stayed just a tad bit overlong so that I positively relished coming home, even to 4' of snow in the backyard. If you leave vacation without gaining perspective then you didn't stay long enough. I love my funky, sprawling, stinky little town!
And I definitely missed my friends. Many times I thought how a near-perfect moment would have been enhanced by Gala & Drano's company, i.e. doing tequila shooters at Carlos & Charlies. Okay ONE tequila shooter. But I did it and it was my first one in 20 years! I was spontaneous!
I have to admit I didn't ponder the "big questions" too much, but I think it was because things were moving along so naturally there wasn't much to ponder. Shrimp tacos or fish tacos for lunch? Margarita or pina colada? Bikini or tankini? You get the idea.
But have I said how HAPPY I am to be home? I love my life here, and I love my work, and I love my dogs and I even love the wood burning stove. I missed it all.
Enough about me. Galadriel - we have some serious catching up to do. I've read all your blogs but there are gaps. I feel very out of the loop. Also I need to point out that typically Penny humps Charlie, so I think your presence boosted his self esteem. Poor little guy needed it.
And Drano, YES I think we very much can get huge clues as to what we are all about by the company we keep. I think we instinctively allow some people in our lives to be our teachers and some people to be both teacher and friend (if we're lucky). A teacher & friend is someone that you are glad you have in your life pretty much all the time, but the ones at the opposite end of the spectrum, who are mostly our teachers, are a bit more challenging.
We often question why we maintain contact with them (or why we even care), but maybe sub-consciously we know that there is something to be gained by our time spent with them, trying to work things out. They can be anyone in our lives: family member, co-worker, etc. They're the ones who seem to be able to get a rise out of us no matter how hard we try to not react. They push our buttons.
I am thinking of specific people here for all of us, but I won't use names so as to not hurt feelings. They ARE our "special friends" after all.
Well my fingers are wooped from all this typing. They're out of shape. Glad to be back in The Matrix.
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