Miracles today. Sitting on my couch, looking out the window at the display of color at the dreariest time of year. Yes, trash bags caught in branches, mud galore, everything still so bare.
To prevent me from sticking my head in an oven, God surprised me this evening with a dark sky spotted with scooting puffy clouds; bright golden yellow leafless branches of the willows; warm breeze and the SMELL of snow coming tonight; and the brave green shoots that are peeking out of the ground. It's SO promising! Mot, you have to go take a look at your little bulbs near your back fence. Indeed! They are going to be daffodils very soon.
Miracle #1. Spring.
Miracle #2. Today I saw -- I mean, SAW -- the pain that Paul is in. He spoke to me today of how much he hurts physically, every day, and how tired he is......and I could actually feel his suffering. He told me that he still has pain in his groin area, which started 3 years ago when he found out I had been unfaithful. He had all the tests at the time, was sure that he had contracted some disease. They all came back negative, then; now, they still cannot find anything wrong with him. And today, listening to him (and admittedly feeling repulsed by his self-pity), I knew that his pain was not physical, but was pain from something much deeper, maybe betrayal, anger, deception, loss of faith. I asked him to forgive me. I cried. He cried. I want Paul to heal. Help me to pray for that.
Miracle #3. I find myself tiptoeing into spaces where I feel highly uncomfortable. I have asked Mot to consider facilitating a retreat for Council. I have asked Mark W. to meet with Mot and Ted. Mark W. has agreed. The balls are lining up for COMBUSTION. I see and KNOW the power of Tom and Ted. I see and KNOW the power of Mark, the establishment, ego, and fear.
I have stepped into this highly uncomfortable space of sponsoring a meeting of forces. I have no clue what's going to happen. I feel uneasy and out of control. So what????
Miracle #4 (Mot, sorry may make you uncomfortable).
This weekend was a miracle. Big swings in energy. Exhausting. FUN! Weird....no, WEIRD.....experiences. And it could have been heavy and analytical and "meaningful". And, guess what, it wasn't. More like memorable. Sweet. Surprising. And it just flowed from unexpectation to unexpectation. Is that a word? Let's make it one.
The lesson here for me, blobmates, is that entering the unknown is, for me, so hard! Shows how tight the ego has a grip on me! But it seems to me that, once you cross over, the allowing takes over, and the miracles start to happen. Did for me. Love you all.
3 comments:
Gala,
My favorite blob so far. And not because you mentioned me a lot, though that certainly doesn't hurt.
Can I go in order?
It was windy and cold and rainy today, and yes, my daffodils are brave little fellas, and there are lots of them. One of the side benefits of owning this house is that the previous owners were GARDENERS. I mean in a BIG way. So I have Irises by the bushel-full and the aforementioned dildos and crocuses and roses, apples and even a pomegranate (or maybe it's some other plant I don't really know). Miracles coming, for MONTHS.
2.) Paul. Ah, Paul. I was Paul 6 years ago, and not because my wife was unfaithful, but because I was a wretch. Beautiful that you asked Paul to forgive you, and I hope he does. And, that may still not be enough. I hope to God it is. AND, part of his healing has to come from him. From valuing his life and seeing his worth, and a knowing that the universe is a kind and gentle and insistent place. I'll send him some strength waves to let go of his anger and resentment and hurt.
3.) Discomfort. It's where growth happens, eh? Not knowing and staying in, and doing what wants to happen, even if it is potentially COMBUSTIBLE. And, you're right, you have little control over the situation. In the old days of the West, they used to crash trains together when a section of track was finished, and to give the country folk a thrill. Great stuff, until they realized that boilers explode and pistons and bolts and shards of metal go a long way and do a lot of damage to innocent bystanders. Big kudos for following your gut. And, thanks Gala, I'm REALLY looking forward to it. See ya Tuesday. Oh, and I'll bring this suit of armor I have in my garage for you. And, what if it was fun? And Mark surprised you? Wot???
4.) Um, Gala, I'm not uncomfortable. It WAS sweet, and unexpected, and at times bizarre. I mean how often do Ravens really listen to humans? And, when was the last time you saw the cast from Fiddler on the Roof, except as young people who could kinda play instruments, and LOTS of people were doing quasi-Russian cossack dances and, then they left and a LATIN band with congas took over and, well, it got steamier?
I loved your title Miracles. And the common thread of these Miracles, big and small, was LETTING GO. Of expectation, anger, fear. I'm wishing a miracle for Paul and for Mark W. Everyone needs one now and again.
LOVE,
Mot
WAIT!!!
I blew it. Yes, me, MOT.
Where did I get "Miracles" as the title? That's what these are/were. BUT, Into the Mystic? A miracle of a song, eh?
Anyway, I'm obviously worn out from the WEIRD weekend. Gala forced me on a death march in Sand Canyon. Lucky the Ravens didn't peck my eyes out. I crawled the last mile.
Mot
Night Blobbers.
Well, after the last four days of wrestling with my emotions toward my in-laws and their pranks of late, I don't have the energy to say much. The will business is OVER, thank God! Rich and I will not be pursuing any further action and it looks like the estate will go entirely to Uncle Paul's son. God bless him, he has not had an easy life since his premature birth and abandoment by his mother, among many other things. I will pray that it has some positive effect on his life or the world.
Interesting that Felicia and I had a recurring theme in our conversations as we spent yesterday afternoon together - expectations. Everything seemed to come back to it. We jointly conceded that unless you make them known to all involved or lower them, you will almost always be disappointed. It is either naive or arrogant to assume that people will know how you want events to unfold.
I too have enjoyed the slow awakening of the earth. The tender little flower seedlings, the tulips (aka, deer candy), the SMELL of the dirt. Looking forward to vacation and hopefully putting the emotionally exhausting "episode" to rest.
"Those with clean hands will grown stronger." - Job
Love to all, Drano
Post a Comment