Questioning my blobosophy. Feel like it's morphing. At times, I feel like I'm spewing this confessional ick into the space, whether I have something to say or not.
A couple of weeks ago, I deleted Week 2 because I'd written some pretty mean things about Tony. I felt small, even with those words lurking around in the archives. So I want to get clear on what I hope to accomplish.....feels different than it did 29 or 34 or 38 days ago. Whatever it was.
(Abrupt change of subject) To quote our dear Mot, isn't it a huge feat to just notice? And so I notice that I worry that my blob is self-indulgent and boring. I notice that my favorite part of the blob is finding, at the end, what the theme is, and then finding the perfect picture (for me). I notice that I LOVE the ensuing dialog that takes place.
And, today, I noticed how much I can get stuck in self-judment about being judgmental. And then I try to remember to let it go, like a balloon. That's what they say you learn in a meditation practice. Notice. Let go. Notice. Let go.
Not.....Deny. Repress. Deny. Repress.
But that's one of those things that you don't learn in a book. It comes through the pain of living. And getting hit over and over and finding........THIS DOESN'T WORK!!!!
Wonderful little miracles today -- noticed how much joy and growth is happening in my closest circle of friends. How much I'm noticing strangers smiling at me. Noticing that my archenemy on council called me tonight, out of the blue. Noticing noticing noticing. Brings joy, and was perhaps always there, and just didn't see it?
So, not too profound, darlings. Tired from yesterday's run, tonight's multiplication tables, and tomorow's impending meetings. Peace peace peace in your dreams.
4 comments:
Gala,
I don't think your blob was meant to be a confessional, but more to keep you on the track of your positive 60-day mission/vision. However, what we are ALL finding out about jumping on the positive train is that we all have negative shit (there's that dream again) that we have to deal with. And you're right - you can't deny then repress. You have to own up and purge.
The more I do it, the more detached I notice myself being toward these situations that tend to elicit my negative responses. "Hmmmmm, how interesting that this person's victim mentality drives me nuts... wonder why?"
And you have called this thing a Blob from the beginning. A blob is by definition amorphous, shape-shifting and ever changing. It has no clearly defined borders. So can you really define what SHOULD or SHOULDN'T be here?
Even if you ARE sometimes just writing for the sake of writing, there is benefit to that - ask any Writing 101 instructor. Maybe you think you have nothing to say, but your blobs say otherwise.
I've found every one of them highly entertaining (yeah, I know that's not your main intention), often poignant, and almost always intellectually challenging.
So don't throw the blob out with the bathwater, but do keep thinking about what's rising to your surface as you sit down to write each day. And thanks for providing this forum for us, your blobmates!
Your positive thinking IS working. Take time to catalog all the positive things that have happened in the past month...
Yes, and...the Blob is like a fire, that we can all gather round and throw our logs on. The fire of putting it out there is healing in its own right. So, I'm with Arctis. Judge not ye thy Blob. Let it take its course. Trust that it's a mirror for all of us.
Speaking for myself, I'm glad you're doing it, I look forward to it, the subjects often open doors or wondering about the choices I've been making. In this moment, I'm choosing to clean my office AND pay my bills, and not pray/wait for emails.
Long live Galadriel! Queen of Bloblandia!
Mot
Guess what? I too am paying bills, working in the office ALL day, balancing checkbooks (not as dismal as I thought, which is why I think I avoid it) and it feels great! There is a definite peace that comes when you get your shit (dream again?) in order.
I know people who keep a prayer journal. They keep written record of the things they have prayed for and then go back, sometimes years later, to see all the creative ways God has answered them. Arctis points out that the blob is providing you with the same kind of perspective.
Gala, I have seen big changes in just 30-ish days - in your life and the blobmates. Sometimes we do just have to spew and confess. It gets the shit (huh?) out there so you can figure out how to clean it up. And I believe that's what friends are for, not to admonish and correct, but to just grab a friggin' mop and help clean up.
Shouldn't our whole life be a "countdown to bliss"? Not just a 60-day negativity fast. Wow, that makes the wrinkles, flubber, aches and ultimate earthly death seem a lot easier to face. I will miss blobbing (blabbing?) and reading our dear blobmates insights and translations. And the near-daily reminder that when you fill your life with great and gentle people, they greatly and gently improve you. Thank you blobmates!! Love, Rando
P.S. to Mot,
Oh my God, could your little Susan friend be any more darling? I loved her! Thank you for sharing her! Kiss, kiss! Drano
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