How many times the universe bonks us on the head with lessons. Today. Went to a meeting tonight where, AGAIN, credit wasn't given to me for my work, was blatantly unacknowledged, felt misunderstood. And a bit angry at the male system -- men........puffed up, grandiose, strutting about, blocked listening skills, SUPER SIZE ME ego.
Now, MOT, I'm saying all this, knowing you're not one of them. Well, yes, you're a man. But RARE. Perhaps that's why your blobmates adore you so.
It goes back to Patty, who advises women to work within the existing system. Acknowledge that the system exists. And conform. She's right, in one way. The system exists, and if you want to ascend, you deal with it.
AND, for me.......it feels like swallowing bile. Sorry for the visual. But there HAS to be another way. At what point does conforming translate into losing yourself. Maybe politics is so neanderthal, it's too hard to stay true to yourself. Maybe politics result in people with an unmoored sense of center, integrity, who they really are.
So, meandering blob tonight. Arctis, AMAZING post about anger, and I look forward to seeing more of it (not directed toward me, please). And I'm really curious about your take on this. You were hit pretty hard at last night's meeting, bombarded really. Handled it gracefully, as usual. Wonder what the toll may have been?
ADDENDUM: I think I'm getting it. Thoughts that say "I lack approval. I lack acknowledgement. I lack harmony in getting along with men" -- these thoughts manifest in more of same. Or so says my reading this morning (funny how these passages in books show up at the perfect time).
So, must change thoughts. Must change thoughts. Must change thoughts.
A Course in Miracles talks about "sponsoring thoughts." I remember reading that a decade ago, not having a clue what it meant. How amazing if we can teach our children that they have the power to change sponsoring thoughts. Yesterday, Emma asked me what her talents were. I asked her what SHE thought her talents were..........silence. My God, my sweet girl is already setting up her thought system to say "I lack talent." Help me, blobmates. How can we teach our kids to think differently?
4 comments:
Great post Ms. Gala.
First, thanks for the nod that I'm not one of "them." Mostly, I believe that's true. As with most things, it comes down to noticing and awareness. So, what are you noticing? On your end, it seems to be that you get dissed, ignored, marginalized. Or at least that's how the SPPM (small pee pee men) make you feel. How to feel good without stepping into their puffed chest, bloated ego territory? Two ways I see. One is to be clear about your expectations when working with them. We're doing this TOGETHER. The other is to take the lead and MODEL inclusiveness and appreciation for them. You'll have to do it a lot, and, at least you'll be able to say "Mark and I worked very closely to make this world class riverfront restaurant complex a reality."
I think modeling works for Em, too. Tell her why you're involved with council, tourism, etc. Tell her where your proficiencies lie and where you're working. Transparency. And, of course tell her she's an amazingly talented writer, who has already learned that she is a whole person, with light and dark, a lesson some adults never learn over the course of their life. And, that she's creative and funny and beautiful and thoughtful/introspective and KIND (hello, vegetarian) beyond her years.
Break the chain Gala. Take the lead. Show your power (guessing you've only shown your fellow council members, the fine folks at Smith and your daughters a smidgen of that, for fear of [choose many]: alienating, annoying, overwhelming, outshining, them). Why should your blob-mates get all the Gala???
Love,
Mot
P.S. I apologize in advance for the problem-solving, yet another masculine trait that is overrated and usually pretty much unnecessary. I think you know all this stuff...how/when/where you bring it out is up to your brilliant self.
I love Mot. He's smart. Arctis, your second blob yesterday was AMAZING, for lots of reasons. Gala, I bet there is a great book out there for Emma to help her determine a focus. But, just telling her that she is kind, bright and YES, beautiful will help her realize that there are few limits to her potential. She can be anything she wants, your task is to guide her to her "thing". I got nothing else, I told you yesterday my head hurt. Love, Oarnd
So much going on. Feels like a test, doesn't it? I guess that's how I'm dealing with all of this STUFF - seeing it as an opportunity to really apply all that I've been reading about and studying. Not easy. Repressing fantasy sequences of bringing AK-47 to exec. board metting with you know who. Just kidding. Not.
Okay - some thoughts to ponder:
My tea bag wisdom of the day (Yogi green tea kombucha, delicious!) - "When ego is lost, limit is lost." I like that thought a lot. I will ponder it throughout the day. That's why it's better to drink tea; it comes with philosophy in every bag!
Another quote to ponder, from "Live in a Better Way" by the Dalai Lama (currently reading) - "Q: After arguing with someone, how do you overcome the feeling that you are right and the other person is wrong? How do you get over ill feelings toward another when that person has wronged you?
A: I would like to point out that when talking about cultivating patience and tolerance against someone who has harmed us we are not talking about giving in to the wrongs being done upon us, nor are we talking about endorsing the other person's actions. It is important to understand that patience does not mean mere giving in or meekness; rather, patience is a deliberate stand one adopts on the basis that you deliberately resolve not to retaliate against the harm done by the other person. It is an active state rather than a state of meekness, and in some instances, certain actions and wrongs done by others may require strong countermeasures. But even these measures can be adopted on the basis of patience and tolerance."
I think what's going on with the TTC right now requires some strong countermeasures. We cannot give in to these wrongs. Those buttheads can take over the TTC when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers. Okay, maybe that's taking it too far, but these guys have pushed my fight button. It's SO on. But I will fight with a smile on my face. It may be a wry, sarcastic smile, but a smile nonetheless.
I think it's important that we don't approach this from an ego standpoint. Ego is what Mark W. preys upon to get his way: "You guys have an opportunity to be the heroes... step up to the plate and hit a home run!" Gag.
We have to believe that quitting is just the wrong thing to do; we've been entrusted, based upon our skills and knowledge, with a $400,000 budget to promote tourism. We need to continue with the work that the committee's been doing because it's really good work. Don't let the seeds of doubt they planted take root.
Ultimately though it does require detachment. And the way I come by that is to say, "What does this stuff REALLY have to do with my life? Is it going to take food from my kid's mouth? Is it going to change my life in any significant way?" And in this case, the answer is no. So I fight because I believe in the cause, but I know that at the end of the day I go home to my real life and that makes me happy. Does ANY of this make sense to anyone else?
I think the next time MW uses a sports metaphor in this decade it is your DUTY to walk up to him and turn his Izod collar up! WTF!
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